Hiding under the dining room table helps no one.

About a month ago, an entire family of Jehovah's Witnesses came to my front door (A. Jane Doe, I may have told you about this). I think the doorbell woke me up from a nap (this is a very safe assumption), so I was pretty hazy when I answered the door. The husband and wife were really nice, and their kids were super cute, so I told them my name (they asked) and took their pamphlets, knowing all along that I would just bring them to work.

Trouble is, they came back today. My boyfriend answered the door and yelled, "Some lady is here for you!" She gave me more pamphlets and said she'd come back later. How do I stop her from coming back without being rude? I don't want to lie about belonging to another faith, because I don't, really, and I feel like lying about that sort of thing is just bad karma.

What do I do?

--

JSGS: Our Dear Reader has found herself stuck with the "albatross" of a Jehovah's Witness Visitor who has taken our DR's kindly welcoming gesture for a sign that our DR wishes to be "saved."
JSGS: And the JWV is likely to be persistent, as the tenets of her faith dictate.
AJD: Our Dear Reader, being a polite, kind, empathetic woman whose parents raised her to treat others with respect and courtesy, struggles to make it clear through body language and/or tone of voice that she wishes to be left alone.
JSGS: You know, our DR deserves a commendation. When my long-suffering mother didn't want to participate in the census, she would order us to hit the deck as soon as she saw the man in the driveway and we would be forced to pretend no one was home, often while eating our cereal under the dining room table.
JSGS: However.
AJD: I will not deny that my mother, a good, kind Christian woman, employed the same tactics on one or another occasion.
AJD: Not with the census-takers specifically, but with the Witnesses. And the petitioners.

JSGS: The Jehovah's Witnesses believe that in order to hasten their return to that Great Blackjack Table In The Sky, they need to actively proselytize. That doing so allows people to use the Bible to improve their lives. And that doing so is an Emphatically Good Thing.
JSGS: This so-called social ministry is hugely important--not just a job or a rainy-day activity.
JSGS: So I suspect that, given the merest whisker of a whimper of a flicker of interest on the part of a door-opener, the JWV hopes ardently to land that soul hook, line, and sinker.
JSGS: Thus the persistent return.

JSGS: Despite the dictates of social decorum, our DR's response was exactly wrong.
AJD: It is my opinion that our DR ought to've, upon opening the door to find the JWV before her, said, very firmly and politely, "Thank you for your interest, but I am sustained and fulfilled by my own personal faith. I am not interested in exploring any other faith. Do take care."
AJD: Or something along those lines.
JSGS: I agree, AJA.
JSGS: And I believe the DR will need to recite same when her Visitor returns.
JSGS: The thing of it is, while being too welcoming can be misinterpreted, everyone deserves our respect, especially if they're acting in accordance with their religious beliefs in ways that don't harm us.
AJD: Absolutely.
JSGS: You need not cotton to the dogma they're peddlin', but for heaven's SAKE (literally? figuratively? I'll leave it for you to figure out) don't slam the door in someone's face.
JSGS: I know that in this Internet Age we find knocks at the door unexpected and unwelcome, but still, people. Manners!
AJD: Perhaps we should craft a simple formula for our Dear Readers to consult in the event they, too, encounter a persistent proselytizer.

Polite Greeting + Expression of Gratitude (however genuine this gratitude is, one must determine for oneself, but one must express some thanks for the efforts of the Visitor) + Firm Refusal of the Visitor's Offered Assistance + Friendly, But Not Too Familiar, Goodbye.

JSGS: If the Visitor is overly persistent, one can + really, no thank you.
AJD: I must confess, I am not completely certain how to most effectively express to the Visitor that one would rather he or she not return.
AJD: Do you have any suggestions, JSGS?
JSGS: Well, one might add to the door a small, tasteful sign that says "No solicitors, please."
AJD: Ah! That is an excellent idea.

AJD: While it may seem, Dear Reader, that our advice is applicable only during the initial encounter with a Jehovah's Witness Visitor (or, really, any other Visitor to one's home), be assured that it is not.
JSGS: Indeed not.
AJD: You can certainly use this same formula, with little modification, on a second or third interaction. You must always take care to be polite and firm.
JSGS: Therein lies the key: polite and firm.
JSGS: If a solicitor continues to visit without invitation and he or she is not of the JWV sort, ask for the contact information for his or her supervisor so that you can officially request the curtailing of visits. (The JW works for God, y'all.)
AJD: And while you technically could ask God/Jehovah to intercede, we cannot guarantee that Ze will come through -- Ze is very, very busy.
AJD: Perhaps you are best served summoning up your own strength and addressing the situation your own self.
JSGS: Indeed, AJD. Indeed. Wise words for us all.

AJD: You can do it, Dear Reader.
AJD: Remember: Polite and Firm.


AJD: My dear JSGS, kindred spirit, bosom friend, I have missed this blog - and all of our Dear, devoted Readers - so terribly. We have been remiss in our duties, and it is essential that we return to a regular posting schedule.
JSGS: I was just thinking the same, dear one. Perhaps we can vow to our readers that they shall find new advice upon visiting us each Monday morn?
AJD: We are agreed, and we shall see you here again in one week, Dear Readers.