The most legendary of all birds, according to The Handbook of Birds in the World.

Dear Beloved Readers,

Welcome to Part Two of the Query submitted by a Reader currently pressed upon by the weight of hir Albatross Friend. You will recall, of course, Part One of our response; in the event that you have been distracted of late and have not paid Crisis Averted the attention it deserves, you can locate the aforementioned post here.

Yours,

JSGS and A. Jane Doe

--

AJD: We left off with the Scenario in which AF is flawed. Perhaps fatally.
JSGS: And none but you, kind soul and Dear Reader, have been able to tolerate that flaw. Thus far.
AJD: Which is good of you, and kind, but surely wears on the nerves. Addressing that flaw is difficult. It requires sensitivity and compassion.
JSGS: And, also, an ability to force yourself to overcome the panic slash inertia.
AJD: Right. So take some deep breaths, DR, and remember that you are doing the right thing - for yourself and for your AF. It is best to address this Fatal Flaw in a quiet, neutral space. And it is essential that you take action as soon as possible, because if this goes on much longer you might be tempted to say something or do something in front of others, which would result in nothing good.
JSGS: Don't blindside.
AJD: And, for the love of god, don't say anything like "I am not the only person who has noticed this". There is nothing, nothing, NOTHING kind about that. It serves no useful purpose. Unless you consider "Making You Look Like An Asshole" a useful purpose.
JSGS: Also skip "I don't want to hurt your feelings, BUT," because that makes it sound like . . . you do want to hurt zir feelings. SCRIPT, Dr. Phil style, "AF, I wanted to talk to you about something. I've noticed that you tend to CREATE A PIT STINK WHEREVER YOU GO/RESPOND WITH CUTTING SARCASM NO MATTER WHAT/TURN EVERY CONVERSATION INTO ONE ABOUT YOU and it's very hard for me and for our friendship."
AJD: This is an excellent time to practice the ol' "I Statement".
JSGS: So use the I-statement and underscore that you LOVE the AF and want to HELP the AF "repair your relationship." If the AF is worth any salt at all, zie will be really eager to change, really grateful for your help, and really sad that zie has hurt you.
AJD: And if not? If zie gets super defensive or attacks you?
JSGS: Stay calm and cool.
AJD: You are, then, dealing with Scenario 3: AF has serious problems and can not or will not accept offers of help. This is a tough scenario, but not an unusual one. It is difficult to recognize that you have a problem - denial is far easier.
JSGS: And here the strategy is clear: Communicate clearly--don't let yourself be interrupted--and express that while you love AF, the friendship has become unhealthy for you.
AJD: Offer whatever help you can, within reason, remembering that you deserve all good things [YDAGT] and that you cannot change someone who does not want to change.
JSGS: And don't let zie continue to abuse you. Gently end the conversation, and don't engage by answering the phone or responding to emails.
AJD: Our 4th Scenario is, I believe, the easiest to resolve. If your AF is a Boundary Abuser, you must set strict boundaries and practice saying "No".
JSGS: But there's a dash of Scen 3's defensiveness until AF gets the drift.
AJD: Make your way through that defensiveness by sticking to your boundaries - or go back to Scenario 3's solution. Be kind, be compassionate, and walk away if you are being abused.
JSGS: And when you articulate those boundaries, you can and probably should make them about you and your needs, not AF's bad habits.
AJD: Dear Reader, remember: YDAGT. AGT. If AF is not a GT, it is time to be clear, kind, and firm - and walk away.